19 things about me

Directions:Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 18 (or 19 for me)random things - shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 18 (or 19 for me) people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. The womb I come from rejects me...My mother is addicted to drugs and gets worse daily. No matter how many poems I write or salty rivers I cry or men's arms I run to. Thats what it is. Do not pity me but her who is not strong enough to stop
2. Because of number 1, I do not smoke weed or anything else...(ok, maybe I've smoked a black but thats it). I will never try cigarettes or marajuana or cocaine or anything. If you love me you won't try to persuade me otherwise. The emotional wounds are worse
3. I love Usher Raymond. You saw the youtube video, it just gets worse from there.
4. My real name is Brittany Patrice Bellinger. Blue is a nickname turned stagename that I grew to love because I wanted to be her. Brittany died in a lot of life accidents but she's still apart of me
5. This poetry thing is not a "hobby" or competition for me. I don't slam like that but I spit like my life depends on it. I'm in transition into becoming an excellent "writer". Paper covers stage.
6. I am sarcastic like you wouldn't believe. I use my humor as a defense mechanism to keep ppl at a distance so it doesn't hurt as much when they leave.
7. My biggest fears are being abandoned (emotionally) and not being adequate enough. Which for the most part I don't think I am.
8. I love you by default because I really don't know how to do anything else but hope that you'll love me back.
9. I am never on time for anything. My father is a great man that had me waiting for days at 4 just to spend a day with him. He never came most times so I believe you won't either. It brings me comfort knowing that you're waiting
10. In a school play at 5, I said I wanted to be rosa parks so that I can change the world. And I still want to change the world...believe it or not
11. I used to be a people pleaser but some days I find myself still trying to prove myself to you.
12. I have 8 and a half best friends. Yep, 4 females and 4.5 men. I need them all. they know who they are.
13. I don't share a lot about myself. I'd rather listen to other ppl's problems because someone always has it worse than you. Don't worry one day I'll have a great book
14. I've always wanted to visit Italy and play the guitar. Those are secret obsessions.
15. I used to be an actress so musicals like West Side Story and Stormy Weather make me twitch. Seriously...
16. I smile like its an addiction. If I don't then i would start crying probably almost immediately. Life is hard
17. There are 2 men I think are my soulmates but they don't believe me when I try to convince them that I'm their rib in flesh. *sigh*
18. Insomnia is really not the word for what I have...maybe I should talk to somebody.
and special number
19. I'm not as innocent as I look but sometimes even i fall for my own angelic reflection.