If you're wondering about the title know that I'm zoning to kid cudi's Man on the man mixtape...
"Hating niggas can't hate leave em all stumped/They gotta like a nigga call me OBAMA/ Not a hype beast while you beast for the hype/Yea I'm the underdog, story of my life..." (Is there any love? By kid cudi ft Wale)
Is there any love in this world? <---- In my world there is and I'm so very grateful.
Today on the last day of January I will be spitting as a semi finalist in the ny knicks poetry slam hoping to come out of it as something more than just a finalist with a white envelope.
Its not about the competition what I do is how I survive.
I wanted to write how I felt before the stage and then after. So its morning and I should still be asleep!! Damn dimitri. Lol. Mister Saintvil (saintvil.blogspot.com) called me at 8am when I went to bed at 5am. Still love him though. And can't wait until I see him later.
Went to the bx yesterday for the first semis special shoutout to my lil 'sis' Kiara, my angel Janine and Ceez who all killed it which is why they are finalists now! YAY!! I screamed so much sitting next to Dj Reborn. I should drink some tea, I sound terrible.
And I wanna say to Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com)...mama you may not have won but you did yo thang. You're an inspiration to me and I love you (a lot).
Ty's home!!! Can't wait to see my twin later. I love her (cherubindisguise.blogspot.com). She's my other half, for real. Wordsmith aka. My pokeDEX (lmao) is also escorting me today for support. What a blessed lil woman I am.
I'm gonna do my thang whether I win or not. No regrets. I'm doing the poem in my heart dedicated to that boy who's life helped pen it. Where ever he is I hope he feels it. I'm gonna get free and put myself back in july 2008 at Brave New Voices. That was real and what its all about. I promised whitley I wouldn't read the intro to The Alchemist until right before I slam. I remember lady! *smiles*
"My heart thump not from being nervous sometimes I'm thinking God made me special here on purpose. So all the while till I'm gone make my words important..." -Kid cudi
I think that track is called Ready for the funeral someone clarify that! Track number 6. Whatever the name the opening lyrics really hit home just now.
I have to speak for the ones who don't have a voice. That's such a responsibility...but one I take on humbly.
Going to zone & G.I.T.S.
Peace,
Bluebelle
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Sweetest Taboo: Words speak louder
"You give me the sweetest taboo. That's why I'm in love with you. You give me the sweetest taboo. Sometimes I think you're just to good for me..."
I'm in a Sade kind of mood this morning. Its mid-morning and cold outside or at least I assume so since the cold slipped into my room. I'm not a fan of winter but I do enjoy the isolation it gives me. A chance to reflect and whatnot.
Although last week was crazy emotional I've decided to take a different approach to this one. I'm about to embark on a journey with Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com) *smiles* for the year to start to become the woman I want to be. We're going to be reading books, taking in museums, plays, dance classes, a healthier way of being pretty much. I'm excited.
Today it starts with The alchemist. A book that I know I need to read for more reasons than one. Then there's also the pending semi-finals of the knicks poetry slam which is this weekend. Going to support whitley in the bx friday for her semis but saturday afternoon is mine.
I'm nervous and anxious. So please do nothing but leave encouraging words & energy.
I've been listening to Flo'ology which is by far one of my favorite cds. I've always wanted to be Natalie {Stewart} the floacist. She's soo dope. I love Marsha's voice but it wouldn't be Floetry without Nat so please if you've never heard that album do so. 'Sometimes you make me smile' is a personal fav...Enjoy.
"If you were mine I wouldn't want to go to Heaven...Cherish the day. I won't go astray. I won't be afraid. You won't catch me running. You rule the way that I move. Showed me how deep love can be" -Sade (Cherish The Day)
That's the truth. To be young and In love is beautiful. Hopefully one day I'll experience what Sade so eloquently displays in her songs.
Well wouldn't you know, the heat is on full blast and my room is now set a blaze. I think its a sign! It won't be cold in my sanctum for much longer. *Take that however you like*
Lyrics are powerful because in the beginning there was WORD.
[Glass] feelings are fragile.
"Love is a guitar solo"
Peace {of mind} Earthlings,
Bluebelle
I'm in a Sade kind of mood this morning. Its mid-morning and cold outside or at least I assume so since the cold slipped into my room. I'm not a fan of winter but I do enjoy the isolation it gives me. A chance to reflect and whatnot.
Although last week was crazy emotional I've decided to take a different approach to this one. I'm about to embark on a journey with Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com) *smiles* for the year to start to become the woman I want to be. We're going to be reading books, taking in museums, plays, dance classes, a healthier way of being pretty much. I'm excited.
Today it starts with The alchemist. A book that I know I need to read for more reasons than one. Then there's also the pending semi-finals of the knicks poetry slam which is this weekend. Going to support whitley in the bx friday for her semis but saturday afternoon is mine.
I'm nervous and anxious. So please do nothing but leave encouraging words & energy.
I've been listening to Flo'ology which is by far one of my favorite cds. I've always wanted to be Natalie {Stewart} the floacist. She's soo dope. I love Marsha's voice but it wouldn't be Floetry without Nat so please if you've never heard that album do so. 'Sometimes you make me smile' is a personal fav...Enjoy.
"If you were mine I wouldn't want to go to Heaven...Cherish the day. I won't go astray. I won't be afraid. You won't catch me running. You rule the way that I move. Showed me how deep love can be" -Sade (Cherish The Day)
That's the truth. To be young and In love is beautiful. Hopefully one day I'll experience what Sade so eloquently displays in her songs.
Well wouldn't you know, the heat is on full blast and my room is now set a blaze. I think its a sign! It won't be cold in my sanctum for much longer. *Take that however you like*
Lyrics are powerful because in the beginning there was WORD.
[Glass] feelings are fragile.
"Love is a guitar solo"
Peace {of mind} Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Saturday, January 24, 2009
To the beautiful men with broken mirrors
And now...
He understands.
Me.
Every half finished poem I've ever started about him.
And stopped.
Because I couldn't bear another vague response to genuine agape. I could love him better than the rest of the world would ever. See his imperfections in rearview reflections of his past. Accept the man they made as my own.
He understands now because he's felt it firsthand. Given his beating heart raw and ripped from his chest to someone who could never understand. Someone who chose ignorance over bliss. Now we're in the same banana boat, alone with no lovejackets to save us from drowning.
The past week almost every man except for my boogie bot (dom-o), my daddy and the godfather of my unborn son {joshua james} carvens have dissappointed me. Hurt me, misled me, neglected me, rejected me, and tossed me to the side all at once. Most of them probably haven't even realized as such.
So after a mood swing, a trip to barnes & nobles and the aim convo from the muse behind the first name of my son, Joshua I've forgiven them. Gotten over it because like him one day they will understand.
How long you think it will take? Lol.
Peace Earth{lings},
Bluebelle
He understands.
Me.
Every half finished poem I've ever started about him.
And stopped.
Because I couldn't bear another vague response to genuine agape. I could love him better than the rest of the world would ever. See his imperfections in rearview reflections of his past. Accept the man they made as my own.
He understands now because he's felt it firsthand. Given his beating heart raw and ripped from his chest to someone who could never understand. Someone who chose ignorance over bliss. Now we're in the same banana boat, alone with no lovejackets to save us from drowning.
The past week almost every man except for my boogie bot (dom-o), my daddy and the godfather of my unborn son {joshua james} carvens have dissappointed me. Hurt me, misled me, neglected me, rejected me, and tossed me to the side all at once. Most of them probably haven't even realized as such.
So after a mood swing, a trip to barnes & nobles and the aim convo from the muse behind the first name of my son, Joshua I've forgiven them. Gotten over it because like him one day they will understand.
How long you think it will take? Lol.
Peace Earth{lings},
Bluebelle
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Janine: My Angel
She is my salvation!! I actually truly believe she's an angel. Something about Janine is sooo healing and powerful. After a long stressful day (except for the applesauce!) has she made me feel better in a 2 minute convo.
Bless her.
I told her I was going to dedicate a blog entry to her and she laughed. Sometimes people don't always understand what they do for you even if its just a hug. I love her.
Thanks for everything Ms. Lady!
I'll tell you all about it later when i get there.
Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Q-Tip makes me think
This is Q-Tip's new video ManWomanBoogie featuring Amanda Diva. I just watched the video twice and listened to the song. He's making good mus(e)ic for us as a community. I'm definitely going to support and buy the album. You should t00.
By the way my "twin'' Shanelle Gabriel (as seen on def poetry jam and facebook. Lol) held it down in the video.
Anyway it got me thinking men and women should be there for one another. Hold each other down seriously. I spent yesterday with one of my closest male friends. I just kept telling him like I'm here for you. I pray for you. I love you. Not because I want nothing from you but mostly I'm proud of you.
So I'll dedicate this song to him! Have fun in DC.
Enjoy Ppl,
BlueBelle
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Urbanword says Goodbye to Shaun "Scheme" Redwood! *deuces*
Live from the urbanwordnyc office!!Man the time I spent today has been so much fun!! From lunch with my daddy to the rest of the day with extended uw family. Today was Shaun's going away party at the bowery. Everyone came out (minus Riva, Aja, Sciryl and maybe a few others) lol but it was a true reunion.
I'm so happy to have a wonderful extended family.
Anyway Shaun moved on from the program coordinator of UW to pursue Canada and his dreams. I wish him nothing but the best of luck. Go check out his music {get old money}.
I'm still hanging tough with my ppl here. Celebrating shaun's longevity and our love.
*Puts 'Diva' by beyonce on repeat*
"What you SAID??! You ain't no diva!" lmao
Peace (& love always) Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Monday, January 12, 2009
Charles Hamilton vs. The mochas (lol)
This was the decision I was faced with earlier being that both parties that I was set to attend had friends and love. It was either go to the fader magazine celebration for Charles or come to chanelle's to spend time with her and Ty over home cooked food and drinks.
Hmmm...
It seemed difficult but after speaking to the man of honor I decided to chill with the ladies. Good choice I might add. We had fun! The steak, corn and potatoes are still hugging me, and the drinks were on point.
Although I do miss charles' performances I know this won't be his last show. So, I hope he had a great night and partied hard!! (though he doesn't "party") lol. Ladies, let's do this again sometime...
Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Snow storms...
On the days when its bitter cold is the best for cuddling, drinking hot cocoa and watching old movies until the sun comes out. I am doing none of the above, but feel just as comforted. By blankets of love and good conversation.
I won't change much as the years do. Just add more mattress space, maybe some kids, a spouse and a nightstand to hold my journal close by. I'll cook big meals on this day so we won't feel snowed in but insulated. Covered house in freezing perfection with just us to comfort one another. I will read the children poems that mimick bedtime stories. Falling in love with my husband again; slow dancing to old songs.
There will be a time when i lay in bed like a pig in a blanket wrapped snug. But today none of that happened. No man, children or big meal. Just peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, phone conversation, and thoughts of you to keep me warm in this cold house with not enough insulation to be a home.
And I couldn't be happier with myself...or being locked in by mother nature. It grants time for reflection.
Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle
I won't change much as the years do. Just add more mattress space, maybe some kids, a spouse and a nightstand to hold my journal close by. I'll cook big meals on this day so we won't feel snowed in but insulated. Covered house in freezing perfection with just us to comfort one another. I will read the children poems that mimick bedtime stories. Falling in love with my husband again; slow dancing to old songs.
There will be a time when i lay in bed like a pig in a blanket wrapped snug. But today none of that happened. No man, children or big meal. Just peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, phone conversation, and thoughts of you to keep me warm in this cold house with not enough insulation to be a home.
And I couldn't be happier with myself...or being locked in by mother nature. It grants time for reflection.
Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Special Shoutout to Mr. Islam
Happy Birthday Mohammed!! I know you don't like a lot of attention and stuff on your birthday but I can't help myself.
Love you soooo much MoMo! xoxoxo
***this has been a P.S.A by yours truly***
::wink::
Peace Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Good times with my mocha
Obviously I spend waaay too much time with chanelle. lol. I love her though.
We laugh hard to fight off tears, use sarcasm as a deadly weapon, eat like tape worms reside in our stomachs and girl talk. What's life without 'girl talk'??
So i'm at her house now...blogging and listening to stories simultaneously. Darnnel just left, and I finally have her back to myself. YAY!
hehehe
The pic above is from december when she got a new webcam.
Gotta go, this story is getting good.
"wooooord? And then what happened?"
Peace *deuces* Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Something in the way you make me feel
Stephanie Mills was beyond her time or maybe I'm beyond my own time?? Hmmm...Something like that, point is I cannot stop floating. Or singing or listening to songs that may or may not have played a part in my conception. (Lol)
I am HAPPY!! As happy as one can be in real life. Reality tv should take off its viewers blinders because the world does not really spin that way. They've even commercialized my hood!! The real world brooklyn my ass....
Okay back to the point, blue feels golden. Outstretched towards the blind spot of the sun. My skin is bronze in the winter. The secret is to keep a bit of sunshine in your pocket. *wink*
I'm actually letting go of a lot of dead weight. Its hard to quit bad habits because no one wants to be a quitter but you have to do what's necessary.
I thought all this time I was living for me but it just occured to me that I've been trying to prove myself to you. Why? Can't be sure just yet. The current events have shown me that I am awesome (according to the survey) and there are really people out there that want to 'prove' themselves to yours truly.
Well who would've guessed it? I would go into detail but lets just see how all of this will play out. Unlike the stars of your fav vh1 shows, at airtime I am still confused as to the conclusion of my storyline.
Stay tuned!
*turns up new top secret mus(e)ic playlist entitled 'Number 17'* <----you're not ready!
Peace & love earthlings,
Bluebelle
I am HAPPY!! As happy as one can be in real life. Reality tv should take off its viewers blinders because the world does not really spin that way. They've even commercialized my hood!! The real world brooklyn my ass....
Okay back to the point, blue feels golden. Outstretched towards the blind spot of the sun. My skin is bronze in the winter. The secret is to keep a bit of sunshine in your pocket. *wink*
I'm actually letting go of a lot of dead weight. Its hard to quit bad habits because no one wants to be a quitter but you have to do what's necessary.
I thought all this time I was living for me but it just occured to me that I've been trying to prove myself to you. Why? Can't be sure just yet. The current events have shown me that I am awesome (according to the survey) and there are really people out there that want to 'prove' themselves to yours truly.
Well who would've guessed it? I would go into detail but lets just see how all of this will play out. Unlike the stars of your fav vh1 shows, at airtime I am still confused as to the conclusion of my storyline.
Stay tuned!
*turns up new top secret mus(e)ic playlist entitled 'Number 17'* <----you're not ready!
Peace & love earthlings,
Bluebelle
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Blue toilet paper
...I may have a problem when even my toilet paper is blue.
Lmao.
Stop judging me. Ha.
Peace Earth(lings),
Bluebelle
Lmao.
Stop judging me. Ha.
Peace Earth(lings),
Bluebelle
Beautiful black men eat Italian
...and everything else that's perfection on a plate minus the pork. It disagrees with his beliefs.
Everyone has kryptonite to make them human. His fear of bacon oddly makes him real to me. Tangible via footsie under the table. Why can't I stop staring at those eyes?
I ordered the pasta (seafood alfredo) partnered with raspberry lemonade but the food wasn't nearly as delicious as his kiss. Delectable lips, I feel myself getting spoiled {already}.
*blushes*
The rest of the day after spilling the beans to my girlfriends are a blur because I've been flying ever since.
Damn...
Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Everyone has kryptonite to make them human. His fear of bacon oddly makes him real to me. Tangible via footsie under the table. Why can't I stop staring at those eyes?
I ordered the pasta (seafood alfredo) partnered with raspberry lemonade but the food wasn't nearly as delicious as his kiss. Delectable lips, I feel myself getting spoiled {already}.
*blushes*
The rest of the day after spilling the beans to my girlfriends are a blur because I've been flying ever since.
Damn...
Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,
Bluebelle
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Beginnings...
2009 is finally upon us! I am very excited for all of the things to come. Revamping the blog soon. New mus(e)ic, new info, new pics and more.
I mean you have to keep the ppl entertained, right??
*smirks*
Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,
Bluebelle
I mean you have to keep the ppl entertained, right??
*smirks*
Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,
Bluebelle
19 things about me
Directions:Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 18 (or 19 for me)random things - shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 18 (or 19 for me) people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. The womb I come from rejects me...My mother is addicted to drugs and gets worse daily. No matter how many poems I write or salty rivers I cry or men's arms I run to. Thats what it is. Do not pity me but her who is not strong enough to stop
2. Because of number 1, I do not smoke weed or anything else...(ok, maybe I've smoked a black but thats it). I will never try cigarettes or marajuana or cocaine or anything. If you love me you won't try to persuade me otherwise. The emotional wounds are worse
3. I love Usher Raymond. You saw the youtube video, it just gets worse from there.
4. My real name is Brittany Patrice Bellinger. Blue is a nickname turned stagename that I grew to love because I wanted to be her. Brittany died in a lot of life accidents but she's still apart of me
5. This poetry thing is not a "hobby" or competition for me. I don't slam like that but I spit like my life depends on it. I'm in transition into becoming an excellent "writer". Paper covers stage.
6. I am sarcastic like you wouldn't believe. I use my humor as a defense mechanism to keep ppl at a distance so it doesn't hurt as much when they leave.
7. My biggest fears are being abandoned (emotionally) and not being adequate enough. Which for the most part I don't think I am.
8. I love you by default because I really don't know how to do anything else but hope that you'll love me back.
9. I am never on time for anything. My father is a great man that had me waiting for days at 4 just to spend a day with him. He never came most times so I believe you won't either. It brings me comfort knowing that you're waiting
10. In a school play at 5, I said I wanted to be rosa parks so that I can change the world. And I still want to change the world...believe it or not
11. I used to be a people pleaser but some days I find myself still trying to prove myself to you.
12. I have 8 and a half best friends. Yep, 4 females and 4.5 men. I need them all. they know who they are.
13. I don't share a lot about myself. I'd rather listen to other ppl's problems because someone always has it worse than you. Don't worry one day I'll have a great book
14. I've always wanted to visit Italy and play the guitar. Those are secret obsessions.
15. I used to be an actress so musicals like West Side Story and Stormy Weather make me twitch. Seriously...
16. I smile like its an addiction. If I don't then i would start crying probably almost immediately. Life is hard
17. There are 2 men I think are my soulmates but they don't believe me when I try to convince them that I'm their rib in flesh. *sigh*
18. Insomnia is really not the word for what I have...maybe I should talk to somebody.
and special number
19. I'm not as innocent as I look but sometimes even i fall for my own angelic reflection.
1. The womb I come from rejects me...My mother is addicted to drugs and gets worse daily. No matter how many poems I write or salty rivers I cry or men's arms I run to. Thats what it is. Do not pity me but her who is not strong enough to stop
2. Because of number 1, I do not smoke weed or anything else...(ok, maybe I've smoked a black but thats it). I will never try cigarettes or marajuana or cocaine or anything. If you love me you won't try to persuade me otherwise. The emotional wounds are worse
3. I love Usher Raymond. You saw the youtube video, it just gets worse from there.
4. My real name is Brittany Patrice Bellinger. Blue is a nickname turned stagename that I grew to love because I wanted to be her. Brittany died in a lot of life accidents but she's still apart of me
5. This poetry thing is not a "hobby" or competition for me. I don't slam like that but I spit like my life depends on it. I'm in transition into becoming an excellent "writer". Paper covers stage.
6. I am sarcastic like you wouldn't believe. I use my humor as a defense mechanism to keep ppl at a distance so it doesn't hurt as much when they leave.
7. My biggest fears are being abandoned (emotionally) and not being adequate enough. Which for the most part I don't think I am.
8. I love you by default because I really don't know how to do anything else but hope that you'll love me back.
9. I am never on time for anything. My father is a great man that had me waiting for days at 4 just to spend a day with him. He never came most times so I believe you won't either. It brings me comfort knowing that you're waiting
10. In a school play at 5, I said I wanted to be rosa parks so that I can change the world. And I still want to change the world...believe it or not
11. I used to be a people pleaser but some days I find myself still trying to prove myself to you.
12. I have 8 and a half best friends. Yep, 4 females and 4.5 men. I need them all. they know who they are.
13. I don't share a lot about myself. I'd rather listen to other ppl's problems because someone always has it worse than you. Don't worry one day I'll have a great book
14. I've always wanted to visit Italy and play the guitar. Those are secret obsessions.
15. I used to be an actress so musicals like West Side Story and Stormy Weather make me twitch. Seriously...
16. I smile like its an addiction. If I don't then i would start crying probably almost immediately. Life is hard
17. There are 2 men I think are my soulmates but they don't believe me when I try to convince them that I'm their rib in flesh. *sigh*
18. Insomnia is really not the word for what I have...maybe I should talk to somebody.
and special number
19. I'm not as innocent as I look but sometimes even i fall for my own angelic reflection.
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