The Sweetest Taboo: Words speak louder

"You give me the sweetest taboo. That's why I'm in love with you. You give me the sweetest taboo. Sometimes I think you're just to good for me..."

I'm in a Sade kind of mood this morning. Its mid-morning and cold outside or at least I assume so since the cold slipped into my room. I'm not a fan of winter but I do enjoy the isolation it gives me. A chance to reflect and whatnot.

Although last week was crazy emotional I've decided to take a different approach to this one. I'm about to embark on a journey with Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com) *smiles* for the year to start to become the woman I want to be. We're going to be reading books, taking in museums, plays, dance classes, a healthier way of being pretty much. I'm excited.

Today it starts with The alchemist. A book that I know I need to read for more reasons than one. Then there's also the pending semi-finals of the knicks poetry slam which is this weekend. Going to support whitley in the bx friday for her semis but saturday afternoon is mine.

I'm nervous and anxious. So please do nothing but leave encouraging words & energy.

I've been listening to Flo'ology which is by far one of my favorite cds. I've always wanted to be Natalie {Stewart} the floacist. She's soo dope. I love Marsha's voice but it wouldn't be Floetry without Nat so please if you've never heard that album do so. 'Sometimes you make me smile' is a personal fav...Enjoy.

"If you were mine I wouldn't want to go to Heaven...Cherish the day. I won't go astray. I won't be afraid. You won't catch me running. You rule the way that I move. Showed me how deep love can be" -Sade (Cherish The Day)

That's the truth. To be young and In love is beautiful. Hopefully one day I'll experience what Sade so eloquently displays in her songs.

Well wouldn't you know, the heat is on full blast and my room is now set a blaze. I think its a sign! It won't be cold in my sanctum for much longer. *Take that however you like*

Lyrics are powerful because in the beginning there was WORD.

[Glass] feelings are fragile.

"Love is a guitar solo"

Peace {of mind} Earthlings,
Bluebelle

To the beautiful men with broken mirrors

And now...
He understands.

Me.
Every half finished poem I've ever started about him.
And stopped.
Because I couldn't bear another vague response to genuine agape. I could love him better than the rest of the world would ever. See his imperfections in rearview reflections of his past. Accept the man they made as my own.

He understands now because he's felt it firsthand. Given his beating heart raw and ripped from his chest to someone who could never understand. Someone who chose ignorance over bliss. Now we're in the same banana boat, alone with no lovejackets to save us from drowning.

The past week almost every man except for my boogie bot (dom-o), my daddy and the godfather of my unborn son {joshua james} carvens have dissappointed me. Hurt me, misled me, neglected me, rejected me, and tossed me to the side all at once. Most of them probably haven't even realized as such.

So after a mood swing, a trip to barnes & nobles and the aim convo from the muse behind the first name of my son, Joshua I've forgiven them. Gotten over it because like him one day they will understand.

How long you think it will take? Lol.

Peace Earth{lings},
Bluebelle

Janine: My Angel

She is my salvation!! I actually truly believe she's an angel. Something about Janine is sooo healing and powerful. After a long stressful day (except for the applesauce!) has she made me feel better in a 2 minute convo.

Bless her.

I told her I was going to dedicate a blog entry to her and she laughed. Sometimes people don't always understand what they do for you even if its just a hug. I love her.

Thanks for everything Ms. Lady!
I'll tell you all about it later when i get there.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Q-Tip makes me think

This is Q-Tip's new video ManWomanBoogie featuring Amanda Diva. I just watched the video twice and listened to the song. He's making good mus(e)ic for us as a community. I'm definitely going to support and buy the album. You should t00.

By the way my "twin'' Shanelle Gabriel (as seen on def poetry jam and facebook. Lol) held it down in the video.

Anyway it got me thinking men and women should be there for one another. Hold each other down seriously. I spent yesterday with one of my closest male friends. I just kept telling him like I'm here for you. I pray for you. I love you. Not because I want nothing from you but mostly I'm proud of you.

So I'll dedicate this song to him! Have fun in DC.

Enjoy Ppl,
BlueBelle

Urbanword says Goodbye to Shaun "Scheme" Redwood! *deuces*

Live from the urbanwordnyc office!!

Man the time I spent today has been so much fun!! From lunch with my daddy to the rest of the day with extended uw family. Today was Shaun's going away party at the bowery. Everyone came out (minus Riva, Aja, Sciryl and maybe a few others) lol but it was a true reunion.

I'm so happy to have a wonderful extended family.

Anyway Shaun moved on from the program coordinator of UW to pursue Canada and his dreams. I wish him nothing but the best of luck. Go check out his music {get old money}.

I'm still hanging tough with my ppl here. Celebrating shaun's longevity and our love.

*Puts 'Diva' by beyonce on repeat*

"What you SAID??! You ain't no diva!" lmao

Peace (& love always) Earthlings,
Bluebelle

Charles Hamilton vs. The mochas (lol)

This was the decision I was faced with earlier being that both parties that I was set to attend had friends and love. It was either go to the fader magazine celebration for Charles or come to chanelle's to spend time with her and Ty over home cooked food and drinks.

Hmmm...

It seemed difficult but after speaking to the man of honor I decided to chill with the ladies. Good choice I might add. We had fun! The steak, corn and potatoes are still hugging me, and the drinks were on point.

Although I do miss charles' performances I know this won't be his last show. So, I hope he had a great night and partied hard!! (though he doesn't "party") lol. Ladies, let's do this again sometime...

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Snow storms...

On the days when its bitter cold is the best for cuddling, drinking hot cocoa and watching old movies until the sun comes out. I am doing none of the above, but feel just as comforted. By blankets of love and good conversation.

I won't change much as the years do. Just add more mattress space, maybe some kids, a spouse and a nightstand to hold my journal close by. I'll cook big meals on this day so we won't feel snowed in but insulated. Covered house in freezing perfection with just us to comfort one another. I will read the children poems that mimick bedtime stories. Falling in love with my husband again; slow dancing to old songs.

There will be a time when i lay in bed like a pig in a blanket wrapped snug. But today none of that happened. No man, children or big meal. Just peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, phone conversation, and thoughts of you to keep me warm in this cold house with not enough insulation to be a home.

And I couldn't be happier with myself...or being locked in by mother nature. It grants time for reflection.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle